How to Rekindle the Spark in Your Relationship When Things Feel Distant
All relationships have a natural ebb and flow.
However, when things calm down after the honeymoon phase, it can feel like the spark you had is much less intense. This can even happen further on in your relationship, well after the honeymoon phase. Suddenly, you realize your partner feels miles away—even when you're both sitting at home in the same room. Perhaps you find yourselves arguing more often, talking less, and spending less engaged time together.
How did it get to this?
The good news is you're not alone. This happens with most couples! Relationships rarely exist at a certain point of excitement the entire time. But if your relationship feels like it's been stuck in a rut for a while, it may be time to put in some elbow grease and get things rolling again.
So what can you do to feel that spark again?
Date Your Partner
The beginning of your relationship may have been filled with romantic dates, hand-holding, and nervous butterflies. While you're much more comfortable together now or perhaps even married, that doesn't mean you can't still date your partner.
In fact, going on "first date" style outings can help you feel closer to your partner. There's something to be said about getting dressed and ready for some time out together. It will bring back some of those warm and fuzzy feelings and you'll remember that those two lovestruck people are still in there!
Learn your partner's love language and do things that make them feel loved. Go out for a candlelit dinner, volunteer together, take a couples art lesson, or plan a cozy movie night at home. Designating time for dates will give you something special to look forward to.
Get Close
Even though you may share a space together, a lack of physical touch and affection can make distance feel even wider. Plus, a hug or a kiss on the forehead can often say much more than words.
Hold hands again, hug in the morning, snuggle on the couch. If your sex life was once robust and now feels lacking, get back into it. Set the mood, spice it up, and make an effort to just focus on each other. If your sex life remains active, but you still feel emotionally distant, take time off from between the sheets and focus more on other types of intimacy.
Feeling physically close and affectionate with your partner will help bring you closer emotionally, too.
Speak Up
Don't let grievances go unsaid. You might choose to bottle things up to avoid butting heads, it can grow and fester into resentment. Be honest about your feelings with each other. Talk about what you like and don't like. You may think you know all of this about your partner, but it's still important to discuss. That said, don't sweat the small stuff, either. We all get a little irritated with each other sometimes!
Be sure to actively listen and try to understand their perspective, too. Feeling misunderstood is a huge intimacy killer.
Furthermore, make an effort to appreciate each other out loud. Whether you're grateful for the help around the house, a thoughtful text, or just want to point out something you love about them, verbally expressing your appreciation for each other helps keep things emotionally intimate.
Build a Foundation of Support
Make sure you and your partner are both committed to your relationship. Trying to "fix" things on your own can be tough. Couples counseling can provide the support you need to successfully rekindle your spark.
A therapist can help you both navigate through this lull in your relationship. You'll learn healthy communication habits and how to make each other feel loved and appreciated in return. Remember, every relationship has its ups and downs and every relationship requires work!
Reach out today to learn more about setting up your first appointment.
